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Dear Plump Clump My wife wants to dress up like a cheerleader for me, but I was a nerd in school and I'm afraid she'll get some jock to trap me in a l...cker. What should I do? Dynamic Napoleon Dear NappiesWhat could possibly be sexier than a bit of maturing, spousal flesh squeezed into a lycra vest and pleated skirt and then having her energetically twerk her posterior and shimmy her jigglesomes for your sexual delight? Throw in a few high kicks, a somersault or two, and a pair of glitter. ? Ms Americana removed her red, white and blue bottoms with dread andwalked over to the bed. She climbedonto the bed and lay on her back. Without thought, her mile long legs spread and her gloved hands crept upto gently squeeze her breasts. Clyde jumped onto the bed, between herlegs and promptly shoved them wider. Then he fell on top of her, with a big shit-eatinggrin. His faced plunged into the deep crevasse of hercleavage. The naked super heroine?s beautiful. "Don't those slippers cramp your toes?" I asked, pointing at the bulging bedroom slippers he wore."Yeah," he said, kicking them off. When he did, I saw that his feet were just like his hands — more paw than foot."I hoped I could pass this off as a costume," he told me. "But you know it isn't. And you're not freaked?" Jeff, you are the answer to a prayer." I didn't care a bit that I might be weirding him out."Why? Do you have a thing for cats?" He sounded somewhat hopeful.I imagined the poor boy. Jade scrunched up her eyebrows in confusion. "Could you speak up, babe?" I said that I never… that I- uhm I-I'm a … I haven't had- I'm a virgin," she finally blurted out clearly embarrassed. Jade's teasing face morphed into a gentle one as she spoke. "Tori, there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. There isn't a certain age that we have to lose our virginity. Plus, I'm glad I'll be your first," she winked."Oh my God. Shut up, Jade," Tori said embarrassed. Tori though for a bit. "Have.
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